someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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