i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize