i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
