yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
