How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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