I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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