Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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