omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
