I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
