I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
