Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
