so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
