ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
