i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
