if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
