that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize