Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
