we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
