i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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