Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
