he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
