Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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