I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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