If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
