Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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