He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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