I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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