You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
