he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize