I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
