Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
