i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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