love makes seman taste better
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I could fuck to npr.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
