He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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