I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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