How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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