so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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