You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
