playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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