Plan B is the new Plan A
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
