Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
