Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
