Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dicks are not precious.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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