I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize