I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
420 ftw
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
3 2 1 whiskey
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
