it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We need to get me chipped asap
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
