Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
