yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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