I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
