after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
