Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did we literally take a cab across the street
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
