chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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