Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
