I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize