Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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