wrigley field is MILF paradise
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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