I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize