But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
