I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
