these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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