Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
