I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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