Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize