She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
