I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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