I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
