Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
