You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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